Suggestions and guidelines for parents and caregivers offered by Sesame Workshop

It’s never easy to know what to say to children after a crisis. Sesame Workshop, makers of Sesame Street, Sagwa, The Chinese Siamese Cat and Dragon Tales, have developed some suggestions for ways of talking to your child about the recent tragedy. These suggestions are not intended for children whose family was directly affected by this tragedy; if that is the case, we recommend that you talk with a professional.

Acknowledge that bad things happen.
First, it is important to tell the truth and acknowledge that bad things do happen. If preschoolers do not ask questions, they do not need to be told about the event. If they are exposed to the event say that they are safe with you and that good people are in charge to keep everyone safe. If your older child asks questions, explain that this tragedy did happen and use words to describe the event based on what you feel your child can handle. This is important in maintaining your child’s trusting relationship with you and other adults.

Reassure your child that your family is safe and give them close contact.
Children need to be reassured that their parents or caretakers have this situation under control. As stated by Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, VP of Education and Research for Sesame Workshop, “In times like these, it’s important to maintain close contact with your children. Reassure them that everyone in your family is okay and tell them that you — their parents and caregivers — will keep them safe.” Hugs help too! Your children may be clingy or more in need of attention than at other times. That’s okay. Try to spend time with them and be reassuring about your presence and their safety.

Limit exposure to media.
Preschoolers should be shielded from exposure to the images of this tragedy. Try to turn off your television and radio when they are close by, and limit their exposure to newspaper images. Such images are frightening to young children.

Good things can come out of the bad things that happen.
In addition to reassuring your child that her environment is safe, children can be given the message that sometimes, good things can come out of bad events. Look for stories in the news to tell your children about the heroes that are in their world. For example, volunteers have helped out with the World Trade Center tragedy by giving blood or donating their time in handing out water to firefighters.

Try to keep a normal routine.
Children will fare better if life is as stable and predictable for the child as possible. Teachers, relatives and other adult friends can help children by being available to them. This will help children to keep calm.

Share your feelings.
When talking to your child about the tragedy, it is important to remember that all children are different and that your goal is to be understanding, reassuring and accepting of children’s feelings. Some children may have shown few emotional reactions and many may not ask any questions about the tragedy. That’s okay and there is no need to press for more. Others will bounce in and out of feelings of grief or worry. If you have a young child who does not appear to be impacted by the event, he/she should not be given unnecessary information. However, if your children do have questions or concerns, you can help by giving simple answers that are appropriate to their age. Specific suggestions are given below.

 

What to Say When Your Child Cries, “I’m Scared!”

2 years and below | 3 to 5 years | 6 to 11 years

At 2 years and below

Begin Talking...
Only if your child asks a question. Most likely you won’t need to take this step, because toddlers are usually too young to grasp what is happening in the news.

Say to Your Child...
“Mommy and Daddy love you, and we’ll keep you safe.” Because: If they ask at all, toddlers are more interested in how a tragedy affects their world. Details may just frighten them.

Follow Up By...
Shielding your child from the news. For instance, don’t watch TV during dinner; wait until your child is asleep to watch the news. If you have a caregiver, make sure she observes the same rules; ask her to keep you informed if your child happens to overhear something.

 

At 3 to 5 years

Begin Talking...
If your preschooler asks questions about what he may have inadvertently seen on TV (via news bulletins that interrupt children’s programming, for instance) or heard from older kids at the playground. But don’t bring the tragedy to your child’s attention unless you know he’s aware of it.

Say to Your Child...
“It’s OK to feel angry, but we need to use words to say we are sad or mad.” Because: Preschoolers are just beginning to learn how to handle their emotions. Use this moment as an opportunity to teach them how to express their anger in a healthy way.

Follow Up By...
If you are watching the news, make sure that your preschooler is in another room watching age-appropriate programming. Stay close to home for the next few days as young kids feel more comfortable knowing their parents are near. If your child has trouble expressing himself but is clearly upset by what he has seen on TV, invite him to sit and draw with you about what he has seen. Then discuss the emotions apparent in the pictures: “Tell me about what you drew.”

 

At 6 to 11 years

Begin Talking...
As soon as you can, because older children have probably already seen something on TV or gotten wind of it through other kids.

Say to Your Child...
“Have you heard about what happened in New York City and Washington, DC?” or, “Have your teachers talked about it?” Because: It’s best to start with a question to find out how much your child knows and begin from there. Your child’s answer may also give you a clue as to what she is really concerned about.

Follow Up By...
Showing your child that people are not powerless. Point out how many people are volunteering to give blood and help. Suggest that he/she write letters to children who might have been affected. Perhaps your family can donate money through the Red Cross or clothing through Goodwill or the Salvation Army. Encourage your children to do creative activities such as writing a song or making a drawing. Use stories from history that reflect how people triumphed in difficult times.

From http://www.sesameworkshop.org/parents/